False Pregnancy – Dance Your Meat Off!!!


If musical genres could be anthropomorphized as people, goregrind would be the ‘special’ cousin who eats road kill and is a little bit too friendly with local farm animals. The four members of False Pregnancy, four self-confessed idiots with alcohol problems would seem to confirm that those who tune extra low and like to grunt like pigs won’t be joining Mensa anytime soon. Having said that, they sure can have fun, as the seventeen minutes of Dance Your Meat Off!!! (Nailjar Records) emphatically proves.

This is quite frankly one of the dumbest records ever recorded; each song only lasts around 90 seconds and features the same low-end, down-tuned chords, indecipherable pig squeals and grunts and absurd, juvenile song titles such as ‘Soft and Juicy Angelina Jolie’s Pussylips’ and ‘Spermnavigator.’ In case things weren’t stupid and offensive enough they throw in an Anal Cunt cover (‘Flower Shop Guy’) complete with falsetto vocals. If the more PC grind bands heard this they would not be pleased. But you know what, all these flaws work to the band’s advantage, for while the riffs may be generic, they are catchy as hell, the atmosphere is like one big party, and the short song lengths ensure it’s impossible to get bored.

The band clearly aren’t taking anything seriously, as indicated by occasional snippets of folk, Euro trance and Volksmusik, that will have you checking they haven’t entered into some bizarre business deal with Spotify. But the truth is they just want to have fun, and it’s likely that if they get offered a mid-afternoon slot at Obscene Extreme with plenty of stage divers on hand, the scale of their ambition will be met. Like Rotten Sound with a lobotomy, False Pregnancy is a prime example of dumbing down and they couldn’t be more welcome.


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